Ellen: Welcome to Time To Press Pause; A Podcast for CEOs by CEOs. I'm your host, Ellen Williams, CEO of The Salient Strategist and today I'm speaking with Hilary Topper. She is the CEO of HJMT PR and the Chief Curator of HJMT Media Company. She's an author of two blogs and three books, including her memoir, From Couch Potato to Endurance Athlete, and she's also the host of the Hilary Topper on Air Podcast. Hilary, welcome. It's so great to see you.
Hilary: Thank you so much, Ellen, I appreciate you having me on your show.
Ellen: It's great to see you and I'm so glad you're here. I've known Hilary for many years, and she's been an inspiration to me as she's a podcast host and I'm jumping into this bandwagon. But I know as a CEO that you've had, as many CEO's do, lots of decisions to make and lots of different pressures. But I'd love for you to share a time when you needed to press pause.
Hilary: Yeah. So, I started MJMT back in 1992 and I started the firm out of a home office and we continuously grew. And as we grew, we, you know, got bigger, we took on more space. We were working actually in Melville at the time, and I had, actually well, Westbury, when I really changed my life. I took a pause. We were in Westbury. I had about 25 people working for me at the time and the business was doing really, really well. And I felt like I was constantly, constantly hustling, like all I was doing was going to breakfast, lunch, dinners, networking of that. I mean, it was just insane the amount of networking that I was doing. And I felt like I was just doing this for everybody else. You know, I had about 6 senior people who were making decent salaries at the time and then I had a lot of administrative people and I was, I was feeling like I was just trying to. get enough money so that I could feed everybody. And then I also felt like I needed to feed my, my kids and my family, and I needed to take care of my parents. And it got to the point where I was like, you know what? Enough is enough. And I decided that I was going to change my life. And I did that by, I saw these people running. This is the craziest thing. I saw them running on the one for Parkway and I really wanted to. To be a runner and I didn't know how to get started because I was never athletic in school. I was always, you know, the brainiac. You know, it just wasn't.
Ellen: No surprise there!
Hilary: The nerd. The book nerd. Anyway, so I never worked out and I decided to join a gym for the first time. And I hired a personal trainer and he said to me, “Go jump on the on the on the treadmill.” And I look at this treadmill and I don't know what to do with it. I was 48 years old. This was the first time I was in a gym, so I asked the runner next to me. She's running. She's like, sweating all over the place. I mean, she it was. It was really embarrassing. And I'm like, “Excuse me, could you help me turn this on?” Ohh, she did. She was really gracious and that's kind of how it started for me. We ended up moving to Melville and I started to get more and more into running and then I tried out my first triathlon at age 53.
Ellen: Amazing.
Hilary: And I did the triathlon. I absolutely loved it. And I decided I really want to do more of these. So, the point that I paused was the point where I said enough. I can't do this anymore. It's getting too much. I had been doing it since 1992 and this was 2014 when I start to think, “Ohh I'm. Just I'm so. I can't. I gotta change because I'm dying in this mix,” right? So, I really needed to think about how to make me happy. It wasn't as intense at home, you know, and the business I had these people working for me and I really had them step up a little bit more. You know, I really needed them to start looking for business, not just me. You know, I wanted to try to have some kind of a succession plan.
Ellen: Did you have to go through any kind of training with them since you said you were the one doing all the breakfasts and dinners and all of that?
Hilary: Oh yeah, we spent a long time. You know, we had weekly staff meetings and then I had one-on-ones with everybody. And it really had to wean them into, you know, to doing that. And I think what happened was. They weren't as hungry because they were getting their salaries, you know, as I was.
Ellen: They didn't have to make payroll, right?
Hilary: Exactly. Exactly. So, it so they, you know, maybe they brought in a little business here and there, but nothing that was sustainable. And at that point, I was like, you know what? I love what I'm doing right now. I love the direction that I'm going. And I ended up, you know, going for certifications in triathlon as a triathlon coach, as a swim coach, as a running coach. And you know, it's something that I really love and makes me feel good, both physically and mentally. And as I started getting really into this, the business started to go downhill a little bit. And we ended up where I wasn't going out and hustling as much as I was before, right. And we ended up getting a smaller office and then, you know, eventually I moved the offices back into everybody, you know, into the home. So, I mean, I still have a few people working for me. And everybody works out of their home at this point. To me, I feel like the pressure is off. I'm so much happier now, you know, that I'm doing this. I you know, I wrote a book From Couch Potato to Endurance Athlete, which has, you know, documents my whole entire journey. And now I'm working on another book. My publisher wants me to write a book about how to become a triathlete. So that's my new book.
Ellen: Wow. Excellent. Congratulations.
Hilary: Yeah. Yeah, thank you. And I'm also, you know, so I kind of reinvented myself, you know, moved, I'm still doing the public relations. I'm having Lisa Gordon, my senior VP work more on the business and you know, eventually she's going to take over that side of the business. And I've been really focusing on my blogs and my podcast and my coaching business and just my writing and doing that type of thing. Just really enjoying myself for the first time in my life.
Ellen: Wow, that's. Yeah, that's a good ending, right? That's a.
Hilary: Yeah, for sure.
Ellen: Press pause and enjoy yourself for the first time in your life. But your pause wasn't a short one.
Hilary: Now off the long pause.
Ellen: You know, you definitely. Yeah, you had to, as you said, reinvent yourself. So really interesting and certainly your skills in public relations and I heard, you know, with your with your new endeavors, coaching and speaking and writing. And I mean it's you know you're carrying those skills forward just in a different way. And I'm and I'm really excited to hear succession planning and the business continues even without you having to do all that hard work that's
Hilary: Exactly.
Ellen: that's a really great outcome and someone else gets, you know elevated within the organization. So really, really great outcome. That's an amazing press pause so. Hey, thank you for sharing that story. As I mentioned, Hilary and I've been friends for a long-time and she has another press pause story. More, more recent, and has agreed to share something a little more personal, so I thank you for that, Hilary. And welcome another press pause story from you.
Hilary: Thank you. Thank you, Ellen. So yeah, so. About five years ago, my sister this this happened. We it happened actually around our birthdays. We're both born on the same day.
Ellen: But not twins.
Hilary: No, we're not. We weren't twins, but. But about five years ago, she was having these massive headaches, and it was going on for a week. I mean, she had a fight with somebody at work and it just escalated from that fight that she had with somebody at work. You know, another colleague. So anyway, so the headache gets intense, she goes to multiple doctors, she goes to multiple ER emergency rooms, and they don't know what's wrong with her. They think it's just migraines they sent her on her way. The Monday that she collapsed. She went to the neurologist and he said, “Oh, it's just a migraine. No worries. We'll get you an MRI at the end of the week.” That Monday, I spoke to her. We had a conversation and about an hour later she was on the phone with her boss, and she passed out.
Ellen: Hmm.
Hilary: And the boss hung up the phone, called her boyfriend at the time, and he called a neighbor who came to check in on her. At that point, she was foaming at the mouth and they.
Ellen: Wow
Hilary: Calls the 911 and she was taken to Plainview Hospital where they said that she needed to get rushed to North Shore Hospital because it looked like she was having a brain aneurysm, a rupture. She ended up in a they did this.
Ellen: Oh my goodness.
Hilary: She ended up in a they did this. At that point, they actually asked us what we wanted to do when we get to North Shore. Like, do you think she do you want to operate to if you don't operate, she will die, you know. So let us know what you want to do. And at the time, we just couldn't make a decision. It was so it was one of those things that you hear about, you know, you have to make a decision whether your loved one dies or lives, you know, it was like it was very, very intense. We were having a hard time and then we came to the decision that if she really that she really had so much blood in her brain that she wouldn't be the same person anyway. So just let her be at that point. And the doctor comes in right as we make the decision. And she says, “You know, I see something. I think that. Our pupils are dilating. I think we should do this surgery.” So, we said, “OK, great. Let's go ahead.”
Ellen: OK.
Hilary: They do the surgery and they tell us it's successful. They say if she wakes up within 24 hours then she'll be OK. She never woke up. So that went on for three weeks where she laid in a hospital bed and we're in a coma and with tubes coming out of her head. It was just a horrendous, horrendous thing.
Ellen: Heartbreaking.
Hilary: It was heartbreaking. She was only 59 years old. So, it was just devastating. And to watch it was just horrible. So anyway, the long and the short of it was that she did pass away a couple of days after our birthday. She celebrated her 60th birthday, which is just really heartbreaking, in palliative care.
Ellen: Yeah.
Hilary: Anyway. So fast forward this past September, I had this explosive headache and you know, you get these headaches and you think, “Oh my God, this is it. Like aneurysm time,” right?
Ellen: Right.
Hilary: So, I did go to the emergency room, and they took a CAT scan, and they found an aneurysm that was misshaped. A lot of people have aneurysms. I mean it's more common than you think. It's just like a little pimple that appears on a blood vessel like an artery, usually an artery. And so this one was misshapen and it the chances of it rupturing were high. So, I was advised to do surgery before it ruptured.
Ellen: That must have been really scary.
Hilary: It was horrible. It was very scary. Very, very stressful. I was besides myself. And you know, I was just having flashbacks of my poor sister lying there. You know, so.
Ellen: Of course.
Hilary: So, I decided I, you know, I interviewed a bunch of doctors. I ended up not using the doctor from North Shore because of my sister, because she had she passed away in North Shore. I couldn't see myself in the same IUC area that she was in. I just couldn't do it. So, I ended up going to Mount Sinai. I called an organization called The B Foundation, and they were wonderful. They were just so supportive and what they do is they it's two sisters. Whose cousin was 27 years old and died of an aneurysm. So, they formed this foundation called The B Foundation, and it basically provides surgeons with research dollars to do research to try to, you know, find something that could help stop this from happening to other people.
Ellen: Yeah.
Hilary: And they also do, you know, awareness, aneurysm awareness, which is really important because again, like, you know, I think I mentioned to you before the interview that if my sister had known or if we had known that it was an aneurysm. We would have at least done something, you know, but nobody knew it was not. It was just, you know, it was a small little pimple that she had that nobody saw on any of the scans. And that was an issue.
Ellen: Right.
Hilary: So anyway, so I had the surgery I had. It was a major brain surgery where they put a stent in the back of my head to divert the flow away from the aneurysm. And basically, you know, so that, it wouldn't be fed blood and it would eventually die. So, I've been since then I've been dealing with headaches. You know that just don't go away. I have very bad fatigue. It's only been about 8 weeks since surgery, and I'm suspecting that it's going to take. Probably 6 months to a year to fully recover. I'm hoping that I fully recover. There are some people in the foundation, they do have a support group and I've been attending it. One of the women was saying that she had the same exact surgery and she nine years later, she still has the fatigue.
Ellen: Wow!
Hilary: I'm hoping that that doesn't happen to me because I can't be. Yeah, but the good thing is that I'm back to training. I'm able to get up and do, you know, I'm able to swim, bike, and run, which is something that I love.
Ellen: I was going to ask if you were back to running. I'm so glad to hear that.
Hilary: Yeah, yeah. And I just started a swimming group where I'm teaching swimming. And, you know, I mean, I'm teaching at Hofstra still. I've been teaching there for about, oh, almost 10 years at this point. And the only thing you know after two hours of teaching, I definitely I'm like done. I can't. I come home. I can't even talk to anybody, which I feel bad about. But I'm like, OK, I'll see you tomorrow.
Ellen: No reason to feel bad about that. I mean, you're talking to me eight weeks after brain surgery, and this has been an amazing conversation. Your energy is so great. I'm so happy about the success of the surgery and the fact that you knew to pause immediately. You know, I'm very sorry about the circumstances that led you to that awareness. But I'm so happy that you know you, you took it to heart. And you said,” OK, you know, I'm not going to go down that same path.” And now, hopefully, you know, sharing your story will help other people think about maybe this headache might be,
Hilary: Something more.
Ellen: Need more than an Advil. I know I'm popping Advils when I get a headache, right?
Hilary: Yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, somebody said to me, “Your sister saved your life.” and, you know, in a way, she did.
Ellen: Yeah, that's an amazing way to look at it. As heartbreaking as the story of your sister was, you know, that's the little heart fulfilling, right, that it was her scenario that gave you the awareness that did save you.
Hilary: Yeah. For sure, for sure. And now this September I am organizing a fun run walk. So, it's not like time during anything. And it's going to be at Heckscher Park on September 14th. And I'm hoping that we get, you know, a couple of dozen people just to support the cause, get some fun swag, walk away with a bagel.
Ellen: Thank you so much for sharing both stories, one professional/personal and one totally personal and just the importance of pressing pause, being present, understanding where you are. It can be life changing or it could be you know something simple, but in any case when you're feeling like things aren't feeling right, then it's time to press pause.
Hilary: Thank you so much for having me.
Ellen: Thank you for listening to this episode of Time to Press Pause to learn more about Hilary Topper, go to HJMT.com To learn more about me, go to thesalientstrategist.com and be sure to join us again wherever you listen to your podcasts.